when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
