For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
