I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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