that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize