im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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