My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
