Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
