God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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