I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
