I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
