well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
