we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize