he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
