she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
