My friends, they love my intelligence
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
