took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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