so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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