There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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