im about as happy as oj after his trial
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
