I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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