she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
