just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
