yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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