i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
