I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
