it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
