So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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