I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize