I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
