Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So much rum. So many feels.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
