where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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