id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
