Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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