Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love having hate sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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