dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
