is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
