college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
