I'm lost and stupid without you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize