It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
