someone get that fucking seahorse.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
