I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
