My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
