i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
