i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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