I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
