I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
