K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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