she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
