hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
