just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
