New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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