He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
