And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
