i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
