So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
should my penis look like a turkey
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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