I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
