last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i will never coherently bang her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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