i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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