So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
