Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize