It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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