The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
