I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
