Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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