WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
