i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
