She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize