I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
