Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
