therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
