hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
