I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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