Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
