So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize