I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
