Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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