Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
