goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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