Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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