Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
