Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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