Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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