Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
