we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
