I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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