Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
