"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
