I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
