why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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