dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
