OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
