There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
