haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
