i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i now understand why vodka
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
