What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
