you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
