When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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