I feel like abortions should bother me more
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
