I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So squirting runs in the family.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
