Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

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(812): View more from Indiana

if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation

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(614): View more from Ohio

My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

(1-614): View more from Ohio

You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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(609): View more from New Jersey

why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

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(310): View more from California

That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI

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(631): View more from New York

I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"

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(636): View more from Missouri

Dude, running 15 min late.

(1-636): View more from Missouri

Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.

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