making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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