Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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