So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
