having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize