Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
