Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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