I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize