Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
