I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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