peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
