He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
