Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need moral support for this bender
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
