I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
