I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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