So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
