Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We have started to decorate penises.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize