I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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