Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
