one two three fourrrrnication!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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